The Tao of Love and Relationships
David James Lees, Guest Writer
As Valentine’s Day approaches I thought it would be an ideal opportunity to discuss the topic of love and relationships from both my professional experience and a Taoist spiritual perspective. I’d like to focus on the three main areas of ‘emotional misunderstanding’ that I encounter when dealing with love and relationship issues with my clients and offer my practical Wu Wei Wisdom to help you with these situations.
Many of you will have experienced the wonderful sensation of being in love and also suffered the painful feelings associated with a relationship breaking down. I believe it to be a vital part of the human psyche to strive towards a feeling of being loved or being in love. This is such a strongly positive experience, encountered when your Qi (or spiritual energy) is flowing in harmony – what I refer to as being in your ‘Wu Wei’. This profound feeling of love allows you to experience a true sensation of inner peace, connection and harmony both with yourself and your significant other. Sharing good and bad times, being able to support each other without being judged or criticised, gives you both strength and comfort and can help lift you towards your highest spiritual vibration.
The first teaching I would like to offer relates to an emotional misunderstanding of the energy of love…
In my practice as a spiritual counsellor and coach the issue I encounter most frequently when helping clients with relationship matters is that of self-love or self-worth – Taoists label this energy as Ch’ang, which can be loosely translated as ‘self-nurturing’. This teaching is as relevant to you if you are single or seeking a loving relationship as it is if you are experiencing challenges or difficulties within a current relationship.
Verse 10 of the classic spiritual Taoist text the Tao Te Ching, which I have translated for you here, reveals many insights on the profound subject of Ch’ang in its poetic words:
Can you nurture your own spirit whilst holding the unity of Oneness?
Can you connect to the Qi of your sensitivity, creative imagination and determination whilst harmonising with Wu Wei?
Can you understand your Human centred mind without corrupting your Tao centred mind?
And can you do all this whilst loving and nourishing yourself rather than indulging your self-interest and selfishness?
Then you can truly love all people without harming yourself,
allowing others to rise to their fullest height whilst not diminishing your own stature.
One of the most important messages offered here is that you must learn to nurture and love your own ‘spirit’ above all else. If you can do this and find and treasure your own personal truth there can be no fear, disappointment or lack of love. Harnessing your flow of Qi (spiritual energy) in this way allows your sensitivity, creative imagination and determination to flow harmoniously, and will create a tremendous feeling of bliss – the feeling that we in the West call ‘LOVE’.
If you find yourself using emotive terms to describe negative feelings such I feel alone, vulnerable, cheated, unloved, betrayed etc… use these as a signposts to tell you are disconnected from your Qi or spirit. It’s imperative to address these misunderstandings and begin to reconnect yourself to your Tao centred mind and Oneness with the Universe through the practice of Ch’ang or self-nurturing.
There are also countless ‘spin-off’ benefits practising Ch’ang, one of the main ones being that you invoke the Universal law of attraction. This means that if you’re seeking a relationship or attempting to improve your current relationship by practising Ch’angyou’ll automatically generate lots of positive vibes that’ll magnetise more of the same positive energy, situations and people into your life. I’ve explained how this particular process works in much greater detail here in my blogs on the law of attraction which you may enjoy reading further.
The subject of Ch’ang, self-love and self-worth is a huge teaching in Taoism – I’ll be unravelling it further in my future workshops and audio recordings where I’ll explain how to:
- overcome the emotional blockages that stop you from loving yourself
- understand how being self-focussed does not mean being selfish
- connect to the limitless abundance of the Universe allowing you give more to others whilst still putting yourself first
- learn powerful practical techniques for self-nurturing.
For now please reflect on your own self-love and self-worth to ensure that Ch’ang is flowing harmoniously within your life – if you can achieve this you’ll be amazed at the results you’ll encounter almost immediately.
- The Tao of Love and Relationships… (wakingtimes.com)
- The Power of Three (wakingtimes.com)
- Redefining Love in the New Energy (soulsoothinsounds.wordpress.com)